I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Randomize
