i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize