opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Every concussion has its silver lining
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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