OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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