then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
