Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I just saw a hot homeless man
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
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