Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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