The maid of honor just puked.
Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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