He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
