U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
