you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Randomize
