Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
Randomize
