he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
