woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I wear drunk well.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
