you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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