The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
