He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Randomize
