Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
You brought string cheese to the strip club
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
