Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Fuck appropriateness.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
