I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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