I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
