So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
