If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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