bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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