The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
im holly from the hills drunk
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
