you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
