last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
