You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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