I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
