this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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