You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
