I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Randomize
