So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
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