I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Had a booty call cancel on me tonight. Said he hurt his back. So this is what single and 30-something is like. Suck.
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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