I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Randomize
