I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
