he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
