well I can't set my house on fire every night
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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