Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
