You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
my room smells like sperm. sweet.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
