You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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