I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
