I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
