First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
Randomize
