im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
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