So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Randomize
