I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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