I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
