She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
