Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
True strength comes from lack of pants
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize