My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
