That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
