i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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