I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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