Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Randomize
