you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize