I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
You are a genius and a whore.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
