Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me š
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Iād clean the kitchen before making food. Mark ārang in the New Yearā with some rando in there last night
Randomize