Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
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