I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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