I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
Randomize
