that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
This baby is an asshole
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
