What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
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