i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
