I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
I checked into jail on foursquare
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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