A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
You are a genius and a whore.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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