i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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