I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
