I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
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